What's on Sherlock?

M
You don't seem very afraid.

JOHN
You don't seem very frightening.

M
Ah, yes, the bravery of the soldier. Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don't you think. What is your connection with Sherlock Holmes?

JOHN
I don't have one. I barely know him. I met him yesterday.

M
And since yesterday you've moved in with him, and now you're solving crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?

JOHN
Who are you?

M
An interested party.

JOHN
Interested in Sherlock? Why? I'm guessing you're not friends.

M
You've met him. How many friends do you imagine he has? I'm the closest thing Sherlock Holmes is capable of having to a friend.

JOHN
And what's that?

M
An enemy.
JOHN (Almost laughs)
An enemy?

M
In his mind, certainly. If you asked him he'd probably say his arch enemy. He does love to be dramatic.

JOHN
Well thank God you're above all that.
John's phone has beeped. He has pulled it out and now glances at it. A text:
BAKER STREET. COME AT ONCE IF CONVENIENT. SH. 

M
I hope I'm not distracting you.

JOHN
Not distracting me at all, no.

M
Do you plan to continue your association with Sherlock Holmes?

JOHN
Far as I remember, and I could be wrong, but I think that's none of your business.

M
It could be.

JOHN
It really couldn't.

M
If you do move in to Baker Street, I would be happy to pay you a meaningful sum of money, on a regular basis, to... ease your way.

JOHN
Why?

M
Because you're not a rich man.

JOHN
In exchange for what?

M
Information. Nothing indiscreet, nothing you'd feel uncomfortable with. Just... tell me what he's up to.

JOHN
Why?
A silence. The wintriest smile from M.

M
I worry about him. Constantly.

JOHN
That's nice of you.

M
But I would prefer, for various reasons, that my concern went... unmentioned. We have what you might call, a difficult relationship.

A silence. John looks at him, stonily. His phone beeps at him again. He looks at it. Another text.
IF INCONVENIENT COME ANYWAY