As men age, they continue to follow dominant ideas of masculinity learned as youth, leaving them unequipped for the assaults of age [...]. Men who embodied the prevailing¹ culture and societal hallmarks of manliness as younger men‒projecting an aura of toughness and independence, avoiding crying and vulnerability, while courageously taking risks- are confronted by the development of health problems, loss of spouses and loved ones, retirement and needing to be a caregiver for ailing² family members in later life. [...]

This masculinity “script” still embraced by older men was outlined as the four-part Blueprint of Manhood, first published by sociologist Robert Brannon when the men in the studies were entering adulthood in the 1970s. The blueprint³ included:

No Sissy Stuff - men are to avoid being feminine, show no weakness and hide intimate aspects of their lives.

The Big Wheel - men must gain and retain respect and power and are expected to seek success in all they do.

The Sturdy Oak - men are to be “the strong, silent type” by projecting an air of confidence and remaining calm no matter what.

Give ‘em Hell - men are to be tough, adventurous, never give up and live life on the edge.

A lot has changed since the 1950s. [...]

Not so long ago a man would have no option but to spend most of his time working because it was common knowledge that men were not emotionally competent enough to raise their babies and children. It was better for a man to come in with an iron fist¹ at the end of the day, so that the children would be scared of him and toe the line. Wait till your father gets home!

This was the way it was meant to be because men were more competitive and adventurous. A man wasn't a natural carer and wasn't outwardly² affectionate. [...]

If he was exposed to the genuine³ emotions of others, or became more directly responsible for the emotional development of his children, he might realise his own emotional depth; he might lose the ability to push his emotion aside or hide it away. If that happened to a man, it would make it impossible for him to be the singularly focused, iron fist, the world, the workplace, and the family required him to be. Pride, aggression and anger and any form of expression that provided him with control were allowed but if he expressed any other emotion, well, he simply wasn't a man, and not being a man in a patriarchal world – we all know – is a pretty damning thing.